So I was binging Seinfeld while eating a block of cheese and drinking a Snapple when I realized just how much branding is in the show. My mind went to bizarro-land and I thought, “what would ads sound like if Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer wrote them?”

I present to you, AdFeld.

A true man of both renaissance and mystery, Kramer has a knack for hair-brained schemes and unconventional living.

George is neurotic, self-loathing, stingy, and insecure. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Confident. Assertive. “I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.”